Here’s a movie I would have had high hopes for. But luckily for me, I hadn’t learned of it until I saw a giant picture of Johnny Depp hanging from the ceiling of the movie theater, the very sight of which instantly ruled out any chance that I would ever expect the new Alice in Wonderland to be a decent movie. So I can say with total honesty that I wasn’t let down by this movie at all, because I could have told you last year that it would suck.
It wasn’t Tim Burton’s best movie by a long shot, I’ll agree with virtually every critic on the planet on that. But I don’t think it was that Tim Burton necessarily lost his touch or anything, as much as it may be that he aspires to create a movie that’s not Edward Scissorhands: Part 50 but STILL can’t resist casting Johnny Depp. What appeared in the beginning to be a movie on the right track, Alice in Wonderland derails the moment Johnny Depp enters the picture as the Mad Hatter.
I’m sorry, but I think a team of counselors in white lab coats needs to get in between these two and start treating them for years of prolonged psychological co-dependency, because at this point, it seems Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are willing to make any movie just to see each other. Their relationship is looking more and more like a torrid love affair between two people with OCD than it is an actual working relationship, I’d be curious to know if Tim Burton has ever called Helena Bonham-Carter “Johnny” in bed. If these two continue to carry on like two drunks that don’t know when to say enough is enough, sooner or later the law is going to have to get involved.
And I’ve got to tell you, seeing the movie in 3-D doesn’t do any favors either. Two tickets and $27.00 later, the only thing that felt real as I watched the movie was the sinking feeling that I had just been ripped off. The preview for Toy Story 3 looked more dynamic than Alice in Wonderland, and that’s just pathetic!
As for the younger crowd, I think your kids will enjoy this movie, but there is one scene showing the moat around the Red Queen’s castle, which is essentially a river of blood filled with decapitated heads. Outside of that, I don’t recall any other scenes you might not want your children to see.
To Mia Wasikowska’s credit, I don’t think anyone else could have played a better Alice. I think everyone else finds her to be a bit withdrawn, but I say, wouldn’t she have to be? And I’m always pleased to see or hear Alan Rickman, who lends his voice as Absolem the Caterpillar, and will always stand out in my mind for speaking one of, if not the single, greatest line in cinematic history as Hans Gruber in Die Hard.
I could probably go the rest of my life without seeing Crispin Glover in a movie ever again, he brought absolutely nothing to the table as usual. Worse yet, I’m still trying to figure out why his entire body was animated in CGI only to have him look like an idiot in costume anyway. I could probably Google it and find out, but I think I’ve wasted enough time on this as it is.
Anne Hathaway was a bit more than annoying, who portrays a White Queen who can’t keep her arms down. But worst of all, if I didn’t want to drive a stake through Tim Burton’s heart before the movie, I certainly did after the Mad Hatter’s Mr. Roboto dance at the end of the movie. If you want to talk about falling down a rabbit hole, Alice in Wonderland does just that.